to a conclusion
by Okuyukashii
Summary: SasuSaku—31 days: March—Four days I spend with Sasuke. I've learned that: 1—silence is the loudest noise, 2—misery does love company, 3—once you learn how his hand feels, you never want to let go, and 4—if nothing else, I can finally admit it to myself.
1. for thoughts unheard

**Title:** for thoughts unheard  
**Day/Theme:** 13. Noise has one advantage: it drowns out words.  
**Character/Pairing:** SasuSaku  
**Rating:** K  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.  
**Note: **This was written for day 13 of the 31 Days LJ comm.

.

It is, strangely enough, a dim basement that we spend most of our time in. His. The sofa we sit on is leather, something I was disgusted by at first but have slowly grown accustomed to. There's so much more to pay attention to, after all.

.

"It's going to rain tomorrow."

"Yeah, I saw. I'm so happy, too. I love the rain."

_[grins and a shake of my head to move my pink hair away from my eyes]_

.

Like the larger-than-life images on one of the biggest TVs I've ever seen, and the wall-to-wall shelf of DVDs illuminated by the bright pot lights embedded in the stucco ceiling.

Like the soft humming of the air conditioner.

.

"Are you cold?"

"No. You know I love the cold, Sasuke. What about you?"

_[an exasperated stare and a warmer feeling]_

.

Like my heartbeat, startlingly clear in the loudest noise of all―the silence wrapped around the both of us like a quilt. It tickles our ears and pushes down on our shoulders, making me feel lethargic.

.

_[murmurs from the anchorwoman, syllables lost in daydreams]_

.

But there's music softly playing from behind a closed door in the background now, and the electronic melodies of the synthpop are soothing.

It is through the rhythmic beats that we glance at each other again.

.

_[he won't say it, I won't form the words―]_

.

It would be easier, I suppose, if he was better at talking and I was better at the silences.

It's never awkward, not between the two of us. No matter what, uncomfortable silences didn't exist for Sasuke and me.

.

"Sakura, when are you going to come over again?"

"Mm...I dunno. When are you free?"

"It doesn't matter. When do you want to come over?"

_[subtle emphasis on 'want', and just like that, i have a choice and an opening]_

"Sasuke, you know I love―"

_[coming over? being with you? __**you**__?]_

"―being out of my house. I'll come over the soonest it's okay with you. It's...fun talking with you."

_[subtle lift of the corner of his mouth]_

"We can talk about anything."

"And I love that so much."

_[that's right, sakura, just drop that word every chance you get. we all know it's from not being able to say it to―]_

.

Of course, our conversations are better still. There are no arguments, no harsh words. Our beliefs and thoughts mesh together when they don't overlap completely, and it fits.

.

_[i want to say it so bad, but the words won't come out. he's looking at me sometimes, and looking determinedly down at the fading patterns on his hoodie at others]_

.

For all the perfect moments and feelings, there are still some subjects we never touch upon, despite claims of unlimited topics. [_We've tried for hints, but they leave me confused and hurt._]

.

"Sasuke..."

.

But now, the words are screaming to come out, and I give in.

They escape in muted whispers, too quiet to be heard, I hope [_or fear?_].

.

"I like you."

_[and i apologize to understatements for abuse and to my heart for making a farce of it]_

.

The music is still quietly playing

and the woman is still mocking tragedies

and the air conditioner is still going

and my heart is

still

beating.

I know Sasuke hears these things [_except for my heart_] and nothing else. If noise was ever good for something, it was for drowning out words.

.

_[we part and meet again...]_


	2. fingers linked through the fence

**Title:** fingers linked through the fence  
**Day/Theme:** 26. Happiness is being sad together.  
**Character/Pairing:** SasuSaku  
**Rating:** K  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.  
**Note:**This is for day 26 of the March themes from the LJ comm 31 days.

This one's for **paradoxrambling** on LJ, who dropped me a lovely comment in the LJ comm fanfic-no-jutsu.

.

Today is like any other day that we spend together. Naruto left a while ago and I'm trying to enjoy the time I have with Sasuke. I really like Naruto―as a friend, of course―but I guess I just love Sasuke more.

.

[_i suppose i think that understating it will make my heart stop aching_]

.

We sit, like always.

We stay silent today.

Had I seen anything wrong about him, I would have comforted him. But I'm selfish. And it's hard to see anything wrong when he's so good at hiding his emotions.

It makes me angry sometimes, and I wish Sasuke would feel anything other than his usual muted ones. I wonder if he could ever be really angry, pissed-off-angry like I get so often. I wonder if he can feel happier than his shallow content.

.

[_but it's not for me to judge when i of all people should know how much feeling hurts_]

.

There is something restless in me today. I'm almost sad, but I can't be. I promised myself that, as long as I'm with him, I won't feel sad.

I refuse to.

.

[_there is plenty of time for that later, for half-awake thoughts and depression past 2am_]

.

So I stare at him and drown in my thoughts. Of course, he's all I think about. Somehow, some way, Sasuke's become almost everything to me. But I can't tell him. And I don't think I will.

I still remember last time, and futility is a pretty word but an ugly trait.

.

[_i daydream up rejections and disgust and―_

_"oh. you like me."_

―_and never ever seeing him again._

_to me, this is reality exaggerated only by a little bit_]

.

I can't keep my thoughts from turning dark, and it's far easier to break promises to yourself.

I think that, maybe, as long as I don't show it, it's okay.

.

[_as long as i don't cry_]

.

The seconds tick away and I'm [_almost_] disappointed. Something could be happening right now, but I'm over here and Sasuke's over there and the random topics I used to be so proud of escape me.

And that is when he speaks.

.

"I have something to tell."

[_it is awkward-sounding, disjointed―__**so**__, so him_]

"Tell who?"

"My friends. You guys."

"...tell us what?"

[_there's a first time for everything including hesitance and he was always better at being blunt_]

.

He takes a breath.

.

"Itachi left."

"_What_?"

[_shock, disbelief, and i'm-sorry-but-i-don't-know-what-to-say in my voice_]

"He left. He's been talking about it to his friends for two months, and he had some big arguments with Mom and Dad. But I didn't know until recently."

.

He shrugs, like that simple motion makes it better, makes it okay. It might prove that he doesn't care after all, that he's as indifferent as he likes to pretend he is.

I know better.

.

It comes to mind that we went to Sasuke's place less than two months ago and Itachi even offered to order food...and suddenly, I feel horrible.

.

"Oh. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I've accepted it."

.

I don't know how much I believe him. I do know that if he's lying, he's hurting. And I would never want that.

I also know that, despite being with him, I've definitely been happier. So I decide that this―just sitting here―is okay, because misery loves company and _I'm using that word again_.

.

[_this could ruin_]

.

In the end, we do just that. We sit together, and I hope my proximity comforts him somehow. I have a bittersweet smile as I wonder whether he'll ever see how I look at him. And he has a blank face, likely thinking about Itachi.

Together, even deep in our own different emotional pain, maybe we can feel some kind of happy.

.

[_we part. i hope we meet again_]


	3. what holds him here

**Title:** what holds him here  
**Day/Theme:** 28. The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.  
**Character/Pairing:** SasuSaku  
**Rating:** K  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.  
**Note:**Happy birthday, Sakura!

.

It had become routine for us to watch TV in the dark. It was nicer that way, and neither of us particularly liked bright lights anyway.

.

[_i can stare at him undetected or space out as i wonder if he looks at me too_]

.

I wouldn't know if it was typically hard to come to an agreement on what to watch because, frankly, I never cared. If it's good, then I enjoy it; if it's bad, I can enjoy making fun of it.

Sasuke is the same.

.

[_bangsmokefire_]

.

We watch the explosions blossoming on the screen and smile.

.

"Isn't it awesome to just blow up stuff like that?"

[_i make out each spike in his hair―_]

"I know."

.

There's hardly ever any emotion in his voice, but I would wager a lot on the fact that he's having a pretty good time at the moment.

This thought elates me.

He's on my left and about a foot away from me on the leather sofa. My hand is resting casually beside me and his beside him.

They are close, and I can't explain how, but I can almost feel it there.

.

[_it's calling me and taunting me and i can almost feel its presence searing into my skin_]

.

Whatever courage I have is multiplied by the lack of light. I reach over and flick his hand, hoping I can pass it off as teasing.

.

[_flawed logic―who would just flick someone's hand and smile so warmly unless they **felt** something?_]

.

Just like that, the tingling in my hand disappears to be replaced by heat.

Sasuke raises his eyebrows at me and I return a mischievous grin.

.

[_andand―_]

.

He rolls his eyes but smirks before flicking me back.

Then, we continue watching TV. I can't stop myself from smiling, so I tilt my head forward in the hopes of hiding my face.

The strong rush stabilizes, and as one show ends, I remember the secret Sasuke revealed to me last time.

.

[_staring at him again, but i see no traces of sadness or other negative feelings_]

.

How can he be so _indifferent_? It's like he gave up and pushed it away.

I think it means he's stronger than me in that sense as well.

.

[_i'm just so __**weak**__, aren't i?_]

.

But I won't angst, not here, not now.

His response has made me braver still, and I reach over again, this time settling my hand on top of his and curling my fingers around it.

I hope with everything I have that it won't make things awkward, that he won't pull away [_in disgust_], that he won't end these times we spend together that I've come to treasure so much.

.

[_not breathing, but heart's working double-time―not healthy, perhaps, but unavoidable_]

.

He's not pulling away. _He's not pulling away_, and I repeat these words like a mantra in my brain, unable to think of anything else.

Without willing it to, my fingers start to move in his hand in a gentle almost-caress. I can't bring myself to stop and _he's not pulling away_.

.

[_this, i think, is a new kind of bliss_]

.

So maybe he could still be hurting a little. And I'll leave and maybe when I come back, things will change and we'll have taken two steps back [_again_].

But in this moment in time, I know how I feel. And I know I couldn't ask for more.

I think he might feel okay now. Right now, there's a very subtle difference but I think, wistfully, that he might someday consider this feeling his anchor―the feeling of my hand in his.

I want to be what holds him here.

.

[_we part and i can't wait to meet again_]


	4. feels like spring

**Title: **feels like spring  
**Day/Theme:** 31. Nothing to say, besides some comment on the weather.  
**Character/Pairing:** SasuSaku  
**Rating:** K  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.  
**Note:** This is prompt 31 of the March themes from the LJ comm 31 days.

This is where fact and fiction part. The others ones were based on true events. This happy one is wistful thinking.

.

It's been a while and we've only grown more accustomed to sitting in silence―it isn't a bad thing. This way, there are no misheard syllables and no misunderstandings.

.

[_and maybe i've learned this the hard way_]

.

I think we've grown. Altogether, the amount of time we've spent together has spanned about two years, and the most important moments happened in the last few weeks.

I've been happy and sad and jealous [_sometimes of Naruto_] and I've realized that a lot of the things that make me sad have been a result of something I've done. And the jealousy is usually a result of overthinking and then I _stop_ thinking and―

Yeah.

.

[_that's when i get worse before it gets better_]

.

I'm the kind of person who can only do anything well when I'm in the mood for it. And I'm definitely not in the mood to angst.

I am sad a lot. It comes with the whole love thing.

.

[_looklook i can say it now without flinching_]

.

But it gets better. You just can't see the light when it's around the bend. The roller-coaster states of mind are gone, and this moment of stasis is more than enough for me right now.

If I needed to sum up whatever progress I've made lately, I think I could do it. I can.

I could say that we can read each other now.

.

[_our looks mean so much more and we smile like inside jokes_]

.

I might say that he's as comfortable with me as I am with him.

.

[_we topic-leap from school to futures to tragedies unfolding on the tv_]

.

I can―_maybefinally_―say that [_hell. yes_.] I love Sasuke. And it could be that simple.

.

[_yes it gets easier and i can be honest to myself and face the truth again_]

.

So now, two years after the first time we spent the day together, we're past the awkward and the uncomfortable. Thoughts don't need to be voiced, and eventually, it comes to a point where we don't _need _to say anything.

But if we want to, nothing's stopping us.

It's getting _that _good. And I'm happy.

I think it might be the fact that we haven't seen snow for a few weeks now, and the unstable temperatures have calmed down with my mood. Actually, it's probably the other way around.

In keeping with our habits, I tell him what I think.

.

"It's getting warmer. We can take walks again."

[_laugh_]

"Yeah."

"It's finally spring, Sasuke."

.

[_we part like waking up and i know we'll be here again_]


End file.
